Strong Canadian Mutts Living in the Wilderness of Life.

Today is The Canadian Mutt's Anniversary today. I totally going to posture, the fact that my husband and I are still Happy Mates after 22 years.

“For the fates have tested us greatly, and the curses smiled against us, but we The Dambrowitz’s have victory and holding. Wining because losing just isn’t an option.’

As a Mutt Mates, we have built a home together, raised 2 children, suffered major cancer illness, moved across country, reno- a second house, survived teens, and now a child( 20 yrs old) with serious mental illness. So yes as a couple we’re worn, well broken in, very seasoned, but life has not shattered us. Everyone please step aside as I place my hands on my hips and do the peacock strut, while singing the song” I’m a survivor.”

With all the trails my marriage has had to face, I will admit the only thing that really endangered my marriage was our daughters mental illness. It placed such a large stressful strain on everyone in the family, that before long we were are physically exhausted and biting at each others throats. Not even the family pets are spared from the stress.

As a family that function as a close unit, now everything evolved around an illness—- But wait we did that one before when my husband suffered cancer. No this illness is different, because you to grief for the lost soul to your family. The most profound statement, ever made to me was, “I want the sister, I cherished. Back!!!- My real sister.” Specialist and myself, don’t know if that is possible. Today, I’m not even sure who are Princess is, or is suppose to be.

My husband and I are blessed to have his close family support, and our networks of friends. We dearly love and cherish our friends, but it is awful to see the torment on their faces, as they struggle to understand what we go through on a daily basis. Then we watch the division lines take a stand, as they struggle with the political human rights, and bureaucratic polices around mentally ill.

Well these friends are our support system. So now we can’t talk to our friends and family about what is haunting us night to day- Maybe of the rest of our lives!!!Now talk about an illness that is an explosive can of worms.And guess what it only gets worse.

Now the professional–here to help. Can they really say what they truly feel? No of course not! Yes we have all heard it whispered gag order–Not sure it exist! But it is a good line to hide behind.Personal agendas for service providers, and secret power struggles. There is so much division, and double talk among the professionals to give you whip lash.

But for today, I look at myself and my family and giggle. For the fates have tested us greatly, and the curses smiled against us, but we The Dambrowitz’s have victory and holding. Wining because losing just isn’t an option. That is What it is to be Strong Canadian Mutts Living in the Wilderness of Life.

This Mutt's Is Suffering But Who Cares?

When a child has early psychosis, they are at age 12-15. The estimated healing time for a server psychosis is 5-9 years. Who is looking after this child? What is the home-life like? Who helps? If the public truly knew what home life is like to care for and live with a mental ill child,they would out cry for support.

First of all I am not a trained psychiatric nurse, I am not a trained social worker, I am not a trained drug or addiction councilor –but I care for her in all these 24/7 —I’m a regular MOM. Educated yes, smart, happy-go-lucky, positive and full of energy mom, but just a mom. At 41 years old I was hoping to start getting my degree in the mental illness field. I can focus on me as my children age 21 and 20 are independent, but life never turns out how you planned, -and that is ok.

When our princess was born, she was so tiny but a very powerful baby. Just one smile or show of brown eyes could send daddy to his knees. Yes this was a princess in total command. As parents we had hopes and dreams for our daughter.

Our Princess was model child, quiet, shy, willing to sit quietly, never fought any authority,and never loud or vociferous. Sounds like dream child and she was, then she hit pre-teens at about 12 and major things started happening. Yelling non stop, she never say anything that wasn’t full of frustration, anger and resentment as parent we were so out of our element.

It was like her whole being changed, her friends change from strong family ( good kids), to the trouble kids. For a child that followed all the rules now hated all rules. She was breaking school rules and not caring, then she started breaking laws without a care. She was a settled content child now nothing was good enough, she hated her family and life. All my friends, teachers even doctor all passed it off has hormonal change and rebellious pre-teen, but in my heart I couldn’t accept this. The change was too dramatic, one extreme to the other.

This is a problem for us even today, who is our princess, is she really that childhood person, or is she really this person full of frustration. Will she ever settle this frustration and anger in her life? And How can she possible work this through with all the other things, such has healing a broken mind? Yes it seems like the impossible but they say it can be done.

When I think of all the things our princess will have to overcome just to be a resemblance of our child that once WAS.–I’m totally overwhelmed. I do have hope, but the hope is so often robbed by the everyday events, the minor set backs, then years of process steal your hope away too. We have been in this process for 5 years, and it has never been a stable 5 years. Then I think about the repairing of relationship she will have to do, just between her brother, father and I.

There is no medications that deal with what professionals call negative symptom. How I remember the names and labels, negative symptom have a negative effect on the people around you; aggression, anger, frustration,weird body movements, violent mood swings, odd facial expressions, abnormal dress and hygiene appearance, and odd emotional reactions to everyday events or topics.

Even if you are a saint, even if you remind yourself day after day, it isn’t her fault it is the illness, you still let resentment slip in. You still react badly to situations that will cause relationship break downs. In the course of 5-9 years- How many hurtful things will be said? How many bad reaction will occur? If our family didn’t make the sacrifice to support and care for our princess, where would she be? On the streets as societies problem! Or worse dead!

So yes we all live in a situation were there is daily abuse, but done by a person that has no clue they are abusing us. And done by a family who is doing their best to cope in very taxing and stressful situations.

So lets just take one day into consideration, we have to run to the doctors today. Last week we had to reschedule because it just was a losing battle for me to get her willingly to doctor- only option was to call police to psychically take her.

To start the day off, she is nervous about appointment, which caused her to have hard time sleeping. She’ll have to get up tired and that will set day off on wrong foot. Then she sleeps in clothes,(something we can’t change)so will ask her to change into cleans clothes,brush hair, brush teeth, and for motivation a bribe of Timmy’s coffee if she hurries.

We are now 20 mins late. I’m never late, this morning process usually takes 1 1/2 hrs to get through, but I left us 2 1/2 hrs today.

I wasted time waking her up the genital way, because today will be ugly enough without setting the entire day in that mood. So I made the normal 4 trips to wake a teenager,which I get the normal response,” I’m awake stop bugging me.” I estimated 1 hr to wake her up gently, process is now 2 hours. Now I only have half hour to make it out the door to make doctors appointment on time.

She comes up stairs from changing, with the same jeans she been wearing for three days. I will choose this as my battle today. So I ask our princess to change her jeans and to find jeans that aren’t hanging,below her panties, and fall off her butt when bends over. She yells with extra colour too, ” My jeans don’t fit,because she lost over 12lbs. “Result from living with abusive boyfriend. Finally after she yells, slams, and tosses things about for next 20 mins, she comes upstairs with different jeans that fit nicely. We have 15 mins left. I ask her one more time to brush hair and teeth, she decides to have a smoke instead. It will be an hour drive to doctors, and I won’t let her smoke in truck, so this will be second fight. So hair is messy and teeth less than clean, but we have to accept somethings, and not push to have a stressful day become a break down day. Note– My break down not our princess!!! I notice she is walking funny so ask,” Is there is something wrong with shoe?” Her very colourful reply,” The dog **** slept on my ***Foot, now I can’t **** walk, and your **** making me go to *** doctor.” So I drop the entire issue, the dogs sleep in my room, so wonder why she isn’t walking right.

So Princess has been home since end of April so solid month, and we are working on stabilizing her, but it now is month and half and still no where close to being stable. I am tired, of walking on egg shells, of the days emotions from frustrated to totally pissed off being a never-ending Jo-Jo,and sick of more negative days than positive. There is nothing that can change this,but being on the proper dosage of medicines will help.Which at this rate, it will be Sept-Oct.

My honest opinion, this is the third time we have done this as a family, and not sure we can do it again, without the stress breaking something. The straw that breaks the camels back. Sad my family and I are this desperate, this close to empire collapse, and just needing support.

Where is support? There is none but friends and family allowing me to chew ear off.

It is now 10:30 am. So you just shared my 4 hour morning with our Princess.