Open Guilt Wound of Motherhood

Now on the the motherhood guilt that has caused open sores that I am still applying cream to. The medical profession place little importance to the under lying guilt that is implied during fact finding history. Most mothers know that they’re not being directly name as a cause, but I will tell ya it sure does smart! Then in most illness everyone is always trying to define that moment, trigger, that started this giant sickness ball the roll. As parents and mothers we want to find that weak link and fix it.

The sad true fact is most illness can’t be defined as one moment, one trigger, there usually is a number of factors. Thus the reason for the extensive pre-history in mental illness cases. Now I will go through some of these questions with you.

1. Any birth and pregnancy trauma? As a mother I don’t know how you Can Not , feel this guilt bomb at our feet. I struggled with if I didn’t have children too close,would that have made a differences. I could have held off on the early delivery, maybe I should have taken the pills that made me feel awful, so I could control the premature labour. Rested more. Did you stuff from any kind of depression and anxiety during or after pregnancy? Anyway you look at it birth and pregnancy is all MOMs and mom’s alone.
2. Any family history of mental illness and learning difficulties? Yes not only I am to blame but now both sides of the family are too. Oh why didn’t we think of Uncle Joe Bob’s crazy days, when deciding to have kids.
3. Any head injuries? Oh my there was the time she was skiing and I didn’t take her to hospital because I thought she was ok. Maybe I shouldn’t have been worried about saving health care dollars and worrying most about my child-what an awful mom.
4. Any sudden change in behaviour, mood, trouble at school, trouble with law? Yes, yes,yes,yes,geesh why didn’t I see this as a mom. I mean I only have two kids. Everyone passed it off as hormonal, bad groups of friends, or a phase she’ll go out of. Why didn’t I listen to my gut, it was screaming at me this isn’t right, get it fixed now. If I had gone to see doctor could they have found the problem. I know the school wasn’t going well maybe I could have changed approaches.
5. Any pot and alcohol abuse? Here is the deepest cut. All my friends and myself did pot and we did have break downs. How do you keep that stuff away from kids, I remember when I was 12, we all stole our parents booze or pooled money together to buy booze. If we wanted it we could get it? The doctor replied, my kids don’t do it, get them involved with sports. OH MY GUILT, open wound bleeding all over the floor.

Now that is only the really first stages of the guilt you encounter when your child has mental illness. Soon after you will accept that many of these event you couldn’t control, but then as you watch your child before, who is the same child, but lost in an illness. Lost is that little girls who laughed, who played dresses up, who charmed the crowds, now she hides in the house, doesn’t register any emotion, and is afraid to be in public. Guilt it eats at you. I have to be able to fix this. If I try real hard she will get better.

Oh there is no harder working mother than one working towards making their child better. I lived breathed and existed souly to get my daughter healthier, to promote mental health, and preached to other parents so they knew the risk of teenage mental health.

As the years and months go by another GUILT MONSTER appears, this one by the hypocrites of government and the well meaning support of members around you and family, who are struggling to understand.

Well Played Guilt Hand of Motherhood.

On the first, precious day you hold the most beautiful perfect child in our arms. You are filled with amazement and wonder at the creation of life. As a mother you can`t help it but to look upon that small face, with determination say,“ I will be the best mom I can be.“

We all try to be The Best Moms, we know how. During the process, we dart from accusing daggers our friends shoot at us, the bountiful, mindful advice professionals give us, and the constant loving advice from family.

Why is this even a part of motherhood,because your motherhood effectiveness is evaluated on the performance of your children.

Good Children= Good Parents The Motherhood Hand of Guilt

Yipee! for me because I have the most willful free-spirit child that ever existed. Yes personally I love a challenge but somedays I believe neither one of us wins. One super big failure for motherhood coming up. Score 5 for the willful 2 year old.

“Have you tried this– dear– it worked on your brother, when he was having a hard time.“

“All that kid needs is a good spank on the backside, that worked for you, and it worked for me, and we all came out right“

Raising children of the 21st century; spanking was Taboo, and corporal punishment outlawed, and parents who disobey these laws are labeled bad parents with future messed up (dysfunctional) children.

Motherhood Hand of Guilt

Now I am not going to say it is wrong or right, but what these laws did was take away the traditional ways society, communities, and family raised children. Old saying , “ it takes a community of people to raise a child.“

A mother who was raised on traditional punishment, now was brainstorming and learning new ways to dish out the punishment. A community Grandfather would kicked kids in the arses if they defaced his property, now can`t because he`ll be charge. A society that is shut down from— dishing any punishment to children run free and unsupervised.

When my son was about 3-4 years old I was in a losing battle. If I choose the corporal punishment, this child`s butt would have been daily red from my hand print, and I would have been charged. So I had to learn a new way of parenting and quickly.

The new method was natural and logical consequence. So I spent the next year in a parenting group learning how to effectively parent. I was very proud of my new parenting skills. I really thought this parenting plan would work. Life is full of natural and logical consequences.

4 yr old won`t wear his winter mitts outside.

Logical- cold fingers =willingness to wear mittens.

But MOTHERS shouldn`t let their children face these truths, no we should step in. Children should be allowed to make chooses that could harm them.

“Mrs Dambrowitz, your son says he doesn`t have to wear mitts if he doesn`t want to.“

“ Well yes this is true, place his mitts in pockets and before you know it he will be wearing them.Little children has self preservation too. Cold fingers don`t feel good long before frost bite.“

“Oh Mrs. Dambrowitz, we can`t do this! The school will be liable if he gets frost bite, You have to fix this Mrs Dambrowitz. Or we will be forced to keep your son in at recess“

Number one rule to raising a child—- Punishment has to be consistent.

“Mrs. Dambrowitz, your son isn`t doing his homework. You have to make him do his homework“

“If he isn`t doing homework, and not behaving in class fail him, natural and logical reaction. If he had a job and didn`t show up prepared he would get canned. “

“OH I`m sorry Mrs. Dambrowitz , we don`t fail children in school anymore.“

When school polices don`t reflect your parenting methods no one wins. Daily life becomes a battle of wits. Parenting isn`t a glamorous job, but we can NOT lay all the blaime on the poor old parents.

At age pre-teens, children can make choices for themselves. I know this is true because at age 11, I made life choices for myself. You don`t have to be a product of your parents– parenting.

So stop blaimming the parents.

Bad Parenting doesn`t = bad parents.

Maybe the future will have parenting course taught in schools.

Personally I can say, “After raising two children, I don`t think MOM was a shining achievement of my life. Do I love my children. Hell ya .Does raising two children make me expert. HELL NO!! —I do know NOW that children need on-off switch and operating manual. Only then do I feel the playing field is equal. OH and open book test next time please.LOL“

The Aura-Borris of A Canadian Mutt's Mind

Well, I had my first consilor meeting today. I can hear people in the background saying, "Now. Now. Don't be airing that laundry out in a blog."

I whisper back," It is ok, after child sexual abuse in the 70's, parents divorces in the 80's,marriage and my husband cancer in the 90's, family raising in the 20's, then in 2010's my daughter psychosis, and my son's right to change the family and marriage dynamics. Hey, I very proud. After all my life only needing consiling and not needing a rubber room or a casket."

I walk proudly into the consilor's office like a peacock showing off. Then I sat down refocused,watching the video playback in my mind. "Information for the curious minds-Behind closed consilor's door: for the ones on the brink of insanity."

You see this video is how the general public plus myself, who are unaware to The Mental Ill. Who is The Mental ill? Mentally ill people are people who from a psychical, social, relationship

,accident with trauma or by an illness, causes a person's mind to shut down in order to save the person . The mind personal way to give doctors a warning sign. So I ask ,"where is the embarrassment in that?'

As, my consiling sessions runs to a conclusions, an overwhelming realisation comes over me; consiling isn't for the faint in heart, nor is it for the hypocrite, or the ones with casting fingers, because consiling is all focused on you , how you can change and growth into a healthier stronger minded person.

"Yes it is true Dorthy, Only person who truly cares for all those around them, and their self will go to consiling appointments."

My appointment almost to a close and I'm proudly patting myself on the back. Very wise choice to come to the appoint. My very soul is basking in this self praise and adoration,when the consilor--- rrrrippes---- me into the surreal moment of now.

"Hump.... Now we have to improve upon one small item each week, so think and name a topic."

My personal thoughts scream out, Wow this consiling business is hard working stuff, now what is a topic that ticks me off. Motherhood Guilt. I hate this topic, so I blurt it out.

Driving home I am fairly pleased with myself, but then I get to thinking about this topic. Motherhood guilt; there is so many soft and vulnerable spots, then there is personal hot spots, and lastly there is the crushing reality of how you see yourself within the guilt. I smack myself are you crazy, you are going to make yourself a crying fool. So smug I am because I never cry, very rare.

Anyway,I have decided that I will share with everyone; the topics a family and mother encounter when their child suffers from a mental illness.

This Mutt Is Sick Of Taxes

This average, run of the mill domesticated mutt, is so sick of paying, and donating, then only be told we still need more money for the coffer's. What a load of bull pooh! Listen to me, when your short in cash you eat KD for dinner not STEAK. This is what our Crazy Canadian Government officials, trustee, and social programs of money--- have forgot.

I'm a Canadian born-n'-raised mutt and very proud to be. Yes, I love my social programs, and I love paying taxes to support this programs----BUT, don't abuse and misses spend the hard earned money I make.

2010 was this Mutt's breaking point! I was sickened by homeless people littering my town, petty crime defacing and trashing my beautiful town, and night streets corners filled with

disrespect for the law, peeing on town streets, drug deals in hand, underage drinkers, and smokers. Young adult openly laugh at the law.

Grant Gaddy COPS will never put me away motherfucker's.

Friday at 3:03pm

this is a kid that has been in trouble with the law since 13......and he still has no fear??? What is wrong with our country.

That is how young adults feel, they can repeatedly do crap because over and over again,because they are allowed to. When will the mutts of Canada stand up and take our country back.

No we will not tolerate crime in our towns. Yes, we want the mentally ill off our streets in housing, and in treatment. Yes, we want all our addicts in treatment and also screened for a mental issue.

Until us Canadians stand up and demand what we want, our government will keep taking, crime will kept happening and the whole event just spiral and feed each other. What do they eat? Well this big fat crime monster is eating my tax money to the point, my parents will have to pay one day soon to see the doctor.