Where Does This Mutt Go?

Well everyone it has been awhile since I last wrote a blog. Part of the reason is this Mutt is getting very bitter and resentful. Two qualities I have a hard time accepting within myself. Negative qualities that have no use but to tear a person down, but yet I am faced with seeing this qualities staring back at me, in my mirror image.

I have to wonder how long, have I been so neglectful of my own self. I'm, NOT the first Mothering Mutt that will deny my own care when it comes to the family unit, but when did I become so unaware of myself. When did I careless toss away the knowledge of wisdom? When did I stop hearing my own internal warning signs?

I heard all those Pack Mothers say," You need to look after yourself! You need to rest! You need to step back." This Mutt totally passed all of it off, by rationalizing to myself- I know me- I have my own warning system. I personally know when enough is enough.

But as I look into the mirror today I realized,-I didn't hear the warning bells! Even worse, I didn't see myself slipping into that muddy, cloudy water, that can quickly consume you. Leaving you to tired to fight for even your own breath. While your pups lay helpless, awaiting their champion to return. I remember growling and wanting to snap on everyone that told me," STOP! Care for yourself! "

My mind growled, "How can you ask me this when my daughter is sick, walking a dangerous line, and no one but me will step in to save her." This the point where your life comes crashing down. When you realize you are powerless to stop tragic events from happening. The point when every door you knocked at was slammed in your face.

I've been that Mutt, to mutter to a friend," You did the best you could. It wasn't your fault. You have to let your children experience life and make choices. We can't control events that are out of our hands." ---- What a load of smelly pooh. I feel so ashamed that this Mutt, believed those words could comfort and appease the heart of a grieving parent.

This Canadian Mutt, now understand what it feels like to be asked to accept failure: Failure of laws, systems,

and dis-function of society. I've arrived at the fork in the road. I tired all the roads, now where do I go?

Fork #1 I can no longer fight this battle without, serious mental and health fail out for myself

#2 I have to accept the changes (laws and polices) I desperately need and want for my daughter, won't happen to save her.

# 3 This is the hardest for me to accept. That people with the mental health profession will not stand up and support you-- even if they agree with you. Why? Because people are fearful of losing their job, or they are fearful to take a stand that others feel is the wrong stand.

I ask all you Canadians. Could you could stand at this fork? Knowing that all roads have met you in failure. Could you accept you are powerless to help a suffering sick child?