Well Played Guilt Hand of Motherhood.

On the first, precious day you hold the most beautiful perfect child in our arms. You are filled with amazement and wonder at the creation of life. As a mother you can`t help it but to look upon that small face, with determination say,“ I will be the best mom I can be.“

We all try to be The Best Moms, we know how. During the process, we dart from accusing daggers our friends shoot at us, the bountiful, mindful advice professionals give us, and the constant loving advice from family.

Why is this even a part of motherhood,because your motherhood effectiveness is evaluated on the performance of your children.

Good Children= Good Parents The Motherhood Hand of Guilt

Yipee! for me because I have the most willful free-spirit child that ever existed. Yes personally I love a challenge but somedays I believe neither one of us wins. One super big failure for motherhood coming up. Score 5 for the willful 2 year old.

“Have you tried this– dear– it worked on your brother, when he was having a hard time.“

“All that kid needs is a good spank on the backside, that worked for you, and it worked for me, and we all came out right“

Raising children of the 21st century; spanking was Taboo, and corporal punishment outlawed, and parents who disobey these laws are labeled bad parents with future messed up (dysfunctional) children.

Motherhood Hand of Guilt

Now I am not going to say it is wrong or right, but what these laws did was take away the traditional ways society, communities, and family raised children. Old saying , “ it takes a community of people to raise a child.“

A mother who was raised on traditional punishment, now was brainstorming and learning new ways to dish out the punishment. A community Grandfather would kicked kids in the arses if they defaced his property, now can`t because he`ll be charge. A society that is shut down from— dishing any punishment to children run free and unsupervised.

When my son was about 3-4 years old I was in a losing battle. If I choose the corporal punishment, this child`s butt would have been daily red from my hand print, and I would have been charged. So I had to learn a new way of parenting and quickly.

The new method was natural and logical consequence. So I spent the next year in a parenting group learning how to effectively parent. I was very proud of my new parenting skills. I really thought this parenting plan would work. Life is full of natural and logical consequences.

4 yr old won`t wear his winter mitts outside.

Logical- cold fingers =willingness to wear mittens.

But MOTHERS shouldn`t let their children face these truths, no we should step in. Children should be allowed to make chooses that could harm them.

“Mrs Dambrowitz, your son says he doesn`t have to wear mitts if he doesn`t want to.“

“ Well yes this is true, place his mitts in pockets and before you know it he will be wearing them.Little children has self preservation too. Cold fingers don`t feel good long before frost bite.“

“Oh Mrs. Dambrowitz, we can`t do this! The school will be liable if he gets frost bite, You have to fix this Mrs Dambrowitz. Or we will be forced to keep your son in at recess“

Number one rule to raising a child—- Punishment has to be consistent.

“Mrs. Dambrowitz, your son isn`t doing his homework. You have to make him do his homework“

“If he isn`t doing homework, and not behaving in class fail him, natural and logical reaction. If he had a job and didn`t show up prepared he would get canned. “

“OH I`m sorry Mrs. Dambrowitz , we don`t fail children in school anymore.“

When school polices don`t reflect your parenting methods no one wins. Daily life becomes a battle of wits. Parenting isn`t a glamorous job, but we can NOT lay all the blaime on the poor old parents.

At age pre-teens, children can make choices for themselves. I know this is true because at age 11, I made life choices for myself. You don`t have to be a product of your parents– parenting.

So stop blaimming the parents.

Bad Parenting doesn`t = bad parents.

Maybe the future will have parenting course taught in schools.

Personally I can say, “After raising two children, I don`t think MOM was a shining achievement of my life. Do I love my children. Hell ya .Does raising two children make me expert. HELL NO!! —I do know NOW that children need on-off switch and operating manual. Only then do I feel the playing field is equal. OH and open book test next time please.LOL“

Where Does This Mutt Go?

Well everyone it has been awhile since I last wrote a blog. Part of the reason is this Mutt is getting very bitter and resentful. Two qualities I have a hard time accepting within myself. Negative qualities that have no use but to tear a person down, but yet I am faced with seeing this qualities staring back at me, in my mirror image.

I have to wonder how long, have I been so neglectful of my own self. I'm, NOT the first Mothering Mutt that will deny my own care when it comes to the family unit, but when did I become so unaware of myself. When did I careless toss away the knowledge of wisdom? When did I stop hearing my own internal warning signs?

I heard all those Pack Mothers say," You need to look after yourself! You need to rest! You need to step back." This Mutt totally passed all of it off, by rationalizing to myself- I know me- I have my own warning system. I personally know when enough is enough.

But as I look into the mirror today I realized,-I didn't hear the warning bells! Even worse, I didn't see myself slipping into that muddy, cloudy water, that can quickly consume you. Leaving you to tired to fight for even your own breath. While your pups lay helpless, awaiting their champion to return. I remember growling and wanting to snap on everyone that told me," STOP! Care for yourself! "

My mind growled, "How can you ask me this when my daughter is sick, walking a dangerous line, and no one but me will step in to save her." This the point where your life comes crashing down. When you realize you are powerless to stop tragic events from happening. The point when every door you knocked at was slammed in your face.

I've been that Mutt, to mutter to a friend," You did the best you could. It wasn't your fault. You have to let your children experience life and make choices. We can't control events that are out of our hands." ---- What a load of smelly pooh. I feel so ashamed that this Mutt, believed those words could comfort and appease the heart of a grieving parent.

This Canadian Mutt, now understand what it feels like to be asked to accept failure: Failure of laws, systems,

and dis-function of society. I've arrived at the fork in the road. I tired all the roads, now where do I go?

Fork #1 I can no longer fight this battle without, serious mental and health fail out for myself

#2 I have to accept the changes (laws and polices) I desperately need and want for my daughter, won't happen to save her.

# 3 This is the hardest for me to accept. That people with the mental health profession will not stand up and support you-- even if they agree with you. Why? Because people are fearful of losing their job, or they are fearful to take a stand that others feel is the wrong stand.

I ask all you Canadians. Could you could stand at this fork? Knowing that all roads have met you in failure. Could you accept you are powerless to help a suffering sick child?