Open Guilt Wound of Motherhood

Now on the the motherhood guilt that has caused open sores that I am still applying cream to. The medical profession place little importance to the under lying guilt that is implied during fact finding history. Most mothers know that they’re not being directly name as a cause, but I will tell ya it sure does smart! Then in most illness everyone is always trying to define that moment, trigger, that started this giant sickness ball the roll. As parents and mothers we want to find that weak link and fix it.

The sad true fact is most illness can’t be defined as one moment, one trigger, there usually is a number of factors. Thus the reason for the extensive pre-history in mental illness cases. Now I will go through some of these questions with you.

1. Any birth and pregnancy trauma? As a mother I don’t know how you Can Not , feel this guilt bomb at our feet. I struggled with if I didn’t have children too close,would that have made a differences. I could have held off on the early delivery, maybe I should have taken the pills that made me feel awful, so I could control the premature labour. Rested more. Did you stuff from any kind of depression and anxiety during or after pregnancy? Anyway you look at it birth and pregnancy is all MOMs and mom’s alone.
2. Any family history of mental illness and learning difficulties? Yes not only I am to blame but now both sides of the family are too. Oh why didn’t we think of Uncle Joe Bob’s crazy days, when deciding to have kids.
3. Any head injuries? Oh my there was the time she was skiing and I didn’t take her to hospital because I thought she was ok. Maybe I shouldn’t have been worried about saving health care dollars and worrying most about my child-what an awful mom.
4. Any sudden change in behaviour, mood, trouble at school, trouble with law? Yes, yes,yes,yes,geesh why didn’t I see this as a mom. I mean I only have two kids. Everyone passed it off as hormonal, bad groups of friends, or a phase she’ll go out of. Why didn’t I listen to my gut, it was screaming at me this isn’t right, get it fixed now. If I had gone to see doctor could they have found the problem. I know the school wasn’t going well maybe I could have changed approaches.
5. Any pot and alcohol abuse? Here is the deepest cut. All my friends and myself did pot and we did have break downs. How do you keep that stuff away from kids, I remember when I was 12, we all stole our parents booze or pooled money together to buy booze. If we wanted it we could get it? The doctor replied, my kids don’t do it, get them involved with sports. OH MY GUILT, open wound bleeding all over the floor.

Now that is only the really first stages of the guilt you encounter when your child has mental illness. Soon after you will accept that many of these event you couldn’t control, but then as you watch your child before, who is the same child, but lost in an illness. Lost is that little girls who laughed, who played dresses up, who charmed the crowds, now she hides in the house, doesn’t register any emotion, and is afraid to be in public. Guilt it eats at you. I have to be able to fix this. If I try real hard she will get better.

Oh there is no harder working mother than one working towards making their child better. I lived breathed and existed souly to get my daughter healthier, to promote mental health, and preached to other parents so they knew the risk of teenage mental health.

As the years and months go by another GUILT MONSTER appears, this one by the hypocrites of government and the well meaning support of members around you and family, who are struggling to understand.

Well Played Guilt Hand of Motherhood.

On the first, precious day you hold the most beautiful perfect child in our arms. You are filled with amazement and wonder at the creation of life. As a mother you can`t help it but to look upon that small face, with determination say,“ I will be the best mom I can be.“

We all try to be The Best Moms, we know how. During the process, we dart from accusing daggers our friends shoot at us, the bountiful, mindful advice professionals give us, and the constant loving advice from family.

Why is this even a part of motherhood,because your motherhood effectiveness is evaluated on the performance of your children.

Good Children= Good Parents The Motherhood Hand of Guilt

Yipee! for me because I have the most willful free-spirit child that ever existed. Yes personally I love a challenge but somedays I believe neither one of us wins. One super big failure for motherhood coming up. Score 5 for the willful 2 year old.

“Have you tried this– dear– it worked on your brother, when he was having a hard time.“

“All that kid needs is a good spank on the backside, that worked for you, and it worked for me, and we all came out right“

Raising children of the 21st century; spanking was Taboo, and corporal punishment outlawed, and parents who disobey these laws are labeled bad parents with future messed up (dysfunctional) children.

Motherhood Hand of Guilt

Now I am not going to say it is wrong or right, but what these laws did was take away the traditional ways society, communities, and family raised children. Old saying , “ it takes a community of people to raise a child.“

A mother who was raised on traditional punishment, now was brainstorming and learning new ways to dish out the punishment. A community Grandfather would kicked kids in the arses if they defaced his property, now can`t because he`ll be charge. A society that is shut down from— dishing any punishment to children run free and unsupervised.

When my son was about 3-4 years old I was in a losing battle. If I choose the corporal punishment, this child`s butt would have been daily red from my hand print, and I would have been charged. So I had to learn a new way of parenting and quickly.

The new method was natural and logical consequence. So I spent the next year in a parenting group learning how to effectively parent. I was very proud of my new parenting skills. I really thought this parenting plan would work. Life is full of natural and logical consequences.

4 yr old won`t wear his winter mitts outside.

Logical- cold fingers =willingness to wear mittens.

But MOTHERS shouldn`t let their children face these truths, no we should step in. Children should be allowed to make chooses that could harm them.

“Mrs Dambrowitz, your son says he doesn`t have to wear mitts if he doesn`t want to.“

“ Well yes this is true, place his mitts in pockets and before you know it he will be wearing them.Little children has self preservation too. Cold fingers don`t feel good long before frost bite.“

“Oh Mrs. Dambrowitz, we can`t do this! The school will be liable if he gets frost bite, You have to fix this Mrs Dambrowitz. Or we will be forced to keep your son in at recess“

Number one rule to raising a child—- Punishment has to be consistent.

“Mrs. Dambrowitz, your son isn`t doing his homework. You have to make him do his homework“

“If he isn`t doing homework, and not behaving in class fail him, natural and logical reaction. If he had a job and didn`t show up prepared he would get canned. “

“OH I`m sorry Mrs. Dambrowitz , we don`t fail children in school anymore.“

When school polices don`t reflect your parenting methods no one wins. Daily life becomes a battle of wits. Parenting isn`t a glamorous job, but we can NOT lay all the blaime on the poor old parents.

At age pre-teens, children can make choices for themselves. I know this is true because at age 11, I made life choices for myself. You don`t have to be a product of your parents– parenting.

So stop blaimming the parents.

Bad Parenting doesn`t = bad parents.

Maybe the future will have parenting course taught in schools.

Personally I can say, “After raising two children, I don`t think MOM was a shining achievement of my life. Do I love my children. Hell ya .Does raising two children make me expert. HELL NO!! —I do know NOW that children need on-off switch and operating manual. Only then do I feel the playing field is equal. OH and open book test next time please.LOL“

The Aura-Borris of A Canadian Mutt's Mind

Well, I had my first consilor meeting today. I can hear people in the background saying, "Now. Now. Don't be airing that laundry out in a blog."

I whisper back," It is ok, after child sexual abuse in the 70's, parents divorces in the 80's,marriage and my husband cancer in the 90's, family raising in the 20's, then in 2010's my daughter psychosis, and my son's right to change the family and marriage dynamics. Hey, I very proud. After all my life only needing consiling and not needing a rubber room or a casket."

I walk proudly into the consilor's office like a peacock showing off. Then I sat down refocused,watching the video playback in my mind. "Information for the curious minds-Behind closed consilor's door: for the ones on the brink of insanity."

You see this video is how the general public plus myself, who are unaware to The Mental Ill. Who is The Mental ill? Mentally ill people are people who from a psychical, social, relationship

,accident with trauma or by an illness, causes a person's mind to shut down in order to save the person . The mind personal way to give doctors a warning sign. So I ask ,"where is the embarrassment in that?'

As, my consiling sessions runs to a conclusions, an overwhelming realisation comes over me; consiling isn't for the faint in heart, nor is it for the hypocrite, or the ones with casting fingers, because consiling is all focused on you , how you can change and growth into a healthier stronger minded person.

"Yes it is true Dorthy, Only person who truly cares for all those around them, and their self will go to consiling appointments."

My appointment almost to a close and I'm proudly patting myself on the back. Very wise choice to come to the appoint. My very soul is basking in this self praise and adoration,when the consilor--- rrrrippes---- me into the surreal moment of now.

"Hump.... Now we have to improve upon one small item each week, so think and name a topic."

My personal thoughts scream out, Wow this consiling business is hard working stuff, now what is a topic that ticks me off. Motherhood Guilt. I hate this topic, so I blurt it out.

Driving home I am fairly pleased with myself, but then I get to thinking about this topic. Motherhood guilt; there is so many soft and vulnerable spots, then there is personal hot spots, and lastly there is the crushing reality of how you see yourself within the guilt. I smack myself are you crazy, you are going to make yourself a crying fool. So smug I am because I never cry, very rare.

Anyway,I have decided that I will share with everyone; the topics a family and mother encounter when their child suffers from a mental illness.

This Mutt Is Sick Of Taxes

This average, run of the mill domesticated mutt, is so sick of paying, and donating, then only be told we still need more money for the coffer's. What a load of bull pooh! Listen to me, when your short in cash you eat KD for dinner not STEAK. This is what our Crazy Canadian Government officials, trustee, and social programs of money--- have forgot.

I'm a Canadian born-n'-raised mutt and very proud to be. Yes, I love my social programs, and I love paying taxes to support this programs----BUT, don't abuse and misses spend the hard earned money I make.

2010 was this Mutt's breaking point! I was sickened by homeless people littering my town, petty crime defacing and trashing my beautiful town, and night streets corners filled with

disrespect for the law, peeing on town streets, drug deals in hand, underage drinkers, and smokers. Young adult openly laugh at the law.

Grant Gaddy COPS will never put me away motherfucker's.

Friday at 3:03pm

this is a kid that has been in trouble with the law since 13......and he still has no fear??? What is wrong with our country.

That is how young adults feel, they can repeatedly do crap because over and over again,because they are allowed to. When will the mutts of Canada stand up and take our country back.

No we will not tolerate crime in our towns. Yes, we want the mentally ill off our streets in housing, and in treatment. Yes, we want all our addicts in treatment and also screened for a mental issue.

Until us Canadians stand up and demand what we want, our government will keep taking, crime will kept happening and the whole event just spiral and feed each other. What do they eat? Well this big fat crime monster is eating my tax money to the point, my parents will have to pay one day soon to see the doctor.

What's Your Point? You, Canadian Mutt!!

People are always asking me why are you doing this? Why do I blog and write letters that will never be heard?

My statement is, “I want to stop the pain and suffering causes to families and create a proactive treatment plan for every mentally ill.”

But now my simple statement will be, “I want to create one ripple of change, faith will do the rest!”

People are always saying that I am a dreamer, and the real world doesn’t work the way I see it. To me dreaming is just the faith within ourselves to make a better world. The world you exist in.

The world within my house, my reality and my bubble. The world that shines around me as I am about my town,living life and loving what life has tossed my way.

LOVING HARDSHIP,because BE Damned if I will allow hardship to beat me, or turn my heart to COLD HARD OPPRESSION – that creates only hate.

People rant that they have no power to change the world, no power to change the masses and no power to make the world a better place. This makes me want to cry. Cry for –you have lost faith within yourself. When did we give this power away? When did we allow all the negative and despair to enter our lives.To me dreaming is just the faith within myself to make a better world. So I ask all of you out there why have you lost faith in humanity and yourself.

I want to ask if you tossed a stone into a pond would the ripples not fan out, and if you now tossed another stone, would the ripples not compound? Well I choose to believe that every deed and word I have done or spoken has not gone into this world without creating that ripple. Some people may have seen the ripple and wondered in it. They have place this in their memory banks for a recall at a later date. Another may have seen the ripple and was inspired to change a small aspect of their own life. Another may have join in to create their own ripples.

I choose to believe in the cosmic universal laws of cause and effect, and in change as an ever occurring event. I choose to believe that ever energy of word or thought, I give out creates a cause and effect.

There are so many one liners to support dreamers of dreams. Karma.You reap what you sow. World change begins with one small change within ones-self.So if this makes me a dreamer to you so be it, but also remember that my dreams also warm my heart with love and endurance.

I wondered does oppression warm your heart or does it feed your anger and despair?

Will Canada's Camel's Back Break?

Every old grummpy man’s statement,” back in the day I remember when…..” Does each generation demoritalized so much that one has to wish for a return of similar days?

I spend the weekend nature camping. It reminded me of -” my Grampa’s simpler days.” I realized it isn’t the way of life that people long for, it is the meaning of life and the value of living enriched lives.

I was like everyone else blaming life’s trails on money, time, and demands of the go go go life style. Who is it ,that places this burden in our lives? Us, and we accept it. Why do we accept it?

We accept the pressure.It is normal to have run from our jobs to the numbers after school programs for our children. Because if we don’t, we are bad parents, we deny our children their right to- BETTER.

We gauge our success by what we can afford, the bigger house, the 2 vehicle yard, the seasonal toys ( boats, campers, four-wheelers and the 2 wheeler)and now a days the family vacation to destinations aboard.

Is BETTER worth it? Yes you can’t deny the family moments will have created memories that are priceless. My generation and me are banking on this. But then I look at the whole picture, how many of us didn’t have broken marriages? Over 90% of my graduating class has broken or failed relationships. How many of us have serious heath issues? How many of my friends died young? Is BETTER worth it.

Can there be a better way, to share family time and leave the pocket book at home? Have our own needs to afford BETTER, bite us in the @ss! When we asked for raises, who paid for them? Where did the money come from?

So employer raised prices to cover costs of wages, then the cost of product and inflation caused the purchase price to rise. WAIT A MIN—so I demand more money then prices go up. So I ‘am not making more, and I am no farther ahead.

I have to wonder what is the true cost of things? I wonder can the price of greed keep increasing or will it be the straw to break the camel’s back? I think my Grandfather’s dream for simpler days will come back, but at what cost? World clasps, global market crashed,and nations that are bankrupt? Greed or BETTER will have it’s end, what will mankind do after?

Junk- Yard Criminal Mutts Deserve No Rights!

Have you heard?—- “A picture is worth a 1000 words." " All the proof was in the Photo. " " The Photo doesn’t lie.”

Well, our Canadian Mounted Police disagree with those statements. This Canadian Mutt , has some ( 20 +) pictures of three males plus minor using prescription medication to feed their personal drug addiction. This prescription medication is for the mentally ill, very expensive, and it is paid for by whom ( Medicare/ Gov’t). Canadian Taxpayers- pay for this medication, that thugs are stealing or using coercion to obtain. This coercion has to be proofed and it is mentally ill's word against the criminal bullies. Who will you bet on to win???

Chris Rak, 33 year old Junk- Yard Mutt Boyfriend

So here, we have the Junk-Yard Mutt, Boyfriend very pleased to be getting a cheap high. All paid for by government, and not enforced by law in anyway.

Taxpayers are now supporting drug dealers and users.

Are you happy about supporting this Maingy Mutt's drug habit?

Are you accepting that Statement given to me.” The law and police can do nothing about this?” Not until they find the medication on him personally.

What are we policing if not CRIME?

But, when I ask the police to go an arrest Chris Rak, the answer I get is." Sorry this photo isn’t enough proof."

So we have these 20 some pictures, a statement taken from my daughter back in April, that Chris Rak was selling her medication, but all that isn’t enough.

Well then I say, all this medication is regulated by government and drug stores. They have extensive records. Now he doesn’t drive so we have to check drug stores in area. Penticton to Osoyoos- Approx 35 stores. We have a time frame, the camera was bought at Xmas,so dates from Dec to April. If Chris Rak, doesn’t have any prescriptions with any drug store. Then why does he have some in these pictures, and why is he taking them? Yes, I have photos of him actually chocking back the pills. Is that not solid proof?

Where’s our fight against crime is in this country. Is Canada a safe haven for drug lords, and thugs. From watching my safe streets in Osoyoos turn into regular sites of crime. People openly drinking at beaches, parting on elementary school yards, pictures on facebook of Mutts peeing in the streets, and drug deals in alleys.

Why should CRIME have RIGHTS! I want the right to live in my town and know that thugs will be dealt with. What Rights do you want over CRIME.